


a stone on the shore (not a star)

by crystaldeer



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Brief mentions of morbid thoughts but nothing too bad, Drabble, Ficlet, Insomnia, Introspection, M/M, Not Beta Read, Viktor is a Sap, he also has a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 20:18:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8910592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystaldeer/pseuds/crystaldeer
Summary: Viktor thinks of the thousands of street lights that look like a blanket of stars, of the starless sky above him, of soul mate stories and cosmically aligned paths. He thinks about finding the star that aligns with your own. He thinks about the ring on his right hand and how it is brighter than any star, or street lamp, or cellphone screen.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t wanna be a star  
> But a stone on the shore  
> A lone doorframe in a wall  
> When everything’s overgrown  
> But what she really, really wanted was my rights and my wrongs  
> And I wouldn’t understand but I would try playing along
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlaRjP8pg0Q

Viktor plugs his phone back on its charger after an hour or two of absently minded scrolling through social media and random websites filled with useless knowledge. He goes to the kitchen, drinks a cup of water—wasn’t it what he meant to do here in the first place? – and sits down on the floor of his living room’s flat, watching the asleep life beneath him through the big, frigid window.

Viktor thinks of the thousands of street lights that look like a blanket of stars, of the starless sky above him, of soul mate stories and cosmically aligned paths. He thinks about finding the star that aligns with your own. He thinks about the ring on his right hand and how it is brighter than any star, or street lamp, or cellphone screen. Sometimes it’s too bright and he needs time alone to fully comprehend it.

He thought that with time the feeling within his heart would subside and become silent and domestic, but instead it keeps growing thicker and stickier like honey, clinging to his ribs and lungs and threatening to spill through his lips. Viktor’s chest has been hollow for so long but now it’s filled to the brim.

The flat is cold in the middle of the night. Viktor is naked underneath his robes and he knows his bed is warm and inviting but sometimes he still has difficulty dealing with sharing a space, let alone something so intimate like a bed, with someone else. He had quite a few lovers in his late teens, had his share of experience and experimentation, but never slept in his acquaintances’ homes and never let anyone enter his. There were boundaries set and Yuuri, ah, he surpassed all of them.

He loves him, Viktor thinks idly. He loves Yuuri and he wants to drown him in affection but no immaterial feeling would ever be enough, so he builds a home around his lover and gives him everything he wants whenever he wants. That’s why he needs to step back sometimes, otherwise Viktor would clinge to him and never let go.

Eventually his toes start to loose color and feeling and Viktor decides it’s time to go back to bed. Makkachin is asleep on her own bed right next to the bedroom door, softly snoring, her tongue sticking out. Viktor chuckles and pokes her tongue lightly until she retrieves it back to her mouth; she looks up at him annoyed and he scratches the fur on top of her head while quietly wishing her a good night.

Viktor’s room, no, _their_ room, is dark and quiet, save for Yuuri’s steady breathing. He is hiding underneath the thick blankets and Viktor is relieved that Yuuri didn’t wake up before he came back—Yuuri can get really upset about it when he is sleepy. Viktor unlaces his robe and lets it slip by his shoulders, but doesn’t lie down immediately, too entranced by the sight of his Sleeping Beauty.

Yuuri is beautiful on ice, off the ice, walking down the beach on summer evenings, eating his favorite meals, watching a TV series in full concentration, sleeping in a deep slumber. He is beautiful and Viktor is weak and lost and absolutely underserving.

Viktor finally climbs on the bed when he realizes being watched by a nude person sounds creepy, the warmth immediately assaults his senses and makes him realize he was colder than he thought. Yuuri’s arms immediately encircle him again, his sleepy face burying itself on Viktor’s chest and Yuuri’s bare body is as hot as a bonfire and it melts away the ice remaining in his own body.

“Damn, you’re freezing…” Yuuri sighs quietly and maybe he wasn’t sleeping at all “You were sulking around because of your insomnia again, weren’t you?”

“I don’t _sulk_ ” Viktor’s tone fakes hurt.

“You are going to get sick someday because of your habit of walking around naked all the time, though. Let me warm you up.”

Ah, there it is, Viktor’s feelings of affection threatening to spill again.  

“Good night, Viktor. Try to actually sleep this time.” Yuuri yawns and he looks like a puppy and Viktor could die.

“Good night, my dear.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too, Yuuri,” Viktor actually holds back a sob at this.

Yuuri falls back asleep so quickly that Viktor thinks he probably will forget their little exchange in the morning, but that’s alright, because Viktor won’t. He closes his own eyes and while he doesn’t fall back asleep for another twenty minutes or so, he still dreams.

 

(Sometimes, when he was younger and foolish, Viktor would despise the idea of getting old, of losing his hair and getting wrinkles all over his pretty face. He dreaded the idea of a future, couldn’t look past his thirties and there were actual times when he would envision dying early on an accident and staying forever young like that. Tonight, however, Viktor dreams of when he will be bald and wrinkled and Yuuri will be chubby and soft around the edges and they will still hold hands like when they were young, and he realizes he is actually eager at the prospect of getting old for the first time in his life.)

**Author's Note:**

> just a quick drabble while my other, more elaborated 30 page fic gets beta'd 
> 
> I will never get over the fact that Viktor fell in love first tbqh


End file.
